My Blog

Archive

  •

    0 Humorous view on standards in problems’ solving within the office space

    4.99 of 439 votes

    “Standards of problems’ resolving.”(Almost) a fictional story about how Regulatory Rules are applicable to our out-of-the-office life, by Natalia ChaykinaThis morning I was urged to action by our Quality Control  Manager (Q-man). I was to tackle a certain document titled “Deviations and Quality Control of Products”. Of course, reading or dealing with such kind of documents is not in any way included in my list of responsibilities. But to be in top management I just have to “know it all.” So in the face of this new mission impossible I pulled myself together, filled a mug with coffee, and started with headers.They didn’t inspire at all: “Standard Procedures”, “Basic Goals”, “General Description”, “Requirements”, “Problems Solutions”...I’ve tried my best to concentrate on a very serious set of rules and regulations but my eyes wandered off to that spot where the number of pages were indicated... Utterly hopeless! My mind quickly follows this “cheerful” mood and presents me with similar problems, but much closer to home. Our Puppy! Yes, boxer puppy! He is almost 6 months old but yet shamelessly pees all over the house. How to deal with that problem?! My cursor hovers over Chapter 8 of the Document: «Steps in problems’ investigation".- Hah? Interesting…“Step 1.” – the Document proudly states. – “Define the Problem”.- Dog piss all over my house!“Step 1, Part 1. Gather your Expert Group.”- Done that! But the only expert on the matter (my husband) quickly resigned by waving a white flag… or was it a smelly floor rag? Well, in the end, I was left as the last expert standing in “my group”…“Step 1, Part 2. Concentrate on the actual problem at hand.”- That part is easy: pee odor, damage to a wooden floor, funky dampness, threat of mold exposure.“Step 1, Part 3. Divide the problem into parts in the way to solve it step by step.”My mind brings me back to our kitchen in the gloom of an early morning. I see my sleepy self, making my way to the fridge. Suddenly, the nerves of my poor feet translate to my panicking brain's undeniable feelings of a horrific flood. I turned the lights on to find myself in the middle of a piss puddle.“Step 1, Part 4. Study the problem in depth in order to understand its complications and possible outcome."- Hah… Right... At that precise moment, I realized that I’m very capable of expressing my true feelings in all sorts of wonderful ways! Not only am I perfect at using a select choice of swear words and phrases, I possess a great talent of pantomime as well. “Prancing lion”, “Leaning tower of Pisa”, “Carnivorous butterfly” and “Protesting Chimpanzee” were all within range of my self-expression.“Step 1, Part 5. What exactly do you know about the outcome of the problem?"- At this point, I’ve found myself on the edge of… losing it...“Step 1, Part 6. Describe the problem objectively using comprehensible categories. If that does not help try answering the following questions:1) What is the problem at hand?”- Lack of slippers on my feet and light in the kitchen.“2) What seems to be affected by the presented problem?”   - My eyes! They are tearing up and red. I’m beginning to suspect conjunctivitis…“3) What was the location where the problem had originated? “- My bloody house, for God’s sake!“4) How big is the problem?”- I’m unable to enter the kitchen without an oxygen mask and diving gear!!!“5) Why are you so sure that this is THE problem?”That part had thrown me into a stupor. What are we talking about here? I’ve checked the title of the infamous document: “Deviations and Quality Control of Products”. Rather mechanically I’ve scrolled down the document to the next section."Step 2: Gather and organize all obtainable facts. Include every action which happened before the problem occurred and identify what was unusual in it?”And now, I’m desperately trying to remember any prescription drugs I might have taken over the past 6 months. Colorful labels of some fishy cheese and even more fishy sausages I might have eaten are swirling around in my head… Or is it PMS? High cholesterol? Lipid metabolism disorder? Focal dystonia? Acute bursitis? Epicondylitis? Arthrosis?..Thankfully, just as soon as I was about to dump coffee on my poor unsuspecting keyboard, the Q-man walked in. By his look, I wasn’t the only one who had read this Document. Q-man appeared disheveled and had a rather blank stare in his eyes as if he was trying to shake off a bad dream.-Figured it out? - He asked in a meek voice.-Figured out what?! – I really had to constrain myself from exploding. – Puppy dilemma or my morning emotional bursts?!!Q-man looked down and humbly raised his eyebrows.-Don't get mad. - He whispered. – Just picture our boss who has just read this same document… and his Ferrari… which hasn’t been able to start for some time now…